


Can I be your Moneypenny  Mister Bond ?

by areeskimosreal



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25289803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areeskimosreal/pseuds/areeskimosreal
Summary: A post argument funfic, a bit of Joan and John.
Relationships: Kayleigh Kitson & John Redmond
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Can I be your Moneypenny  Mister Bond ?

Mandy rushed down the path to greet Kayleigh as she stepped out of the black cab.

" I heard it Kay, I heard his dedication, god it's so romantic, it was lovely "

" Aye I know, Elsie phoned me in the taxi " Kayleigh said, holding her hand up to stop any further comment from Mandy.

" Elsie told you ?" Mandy looked puzzled.

" Yes, we had words just before it aired, I'd got out of the car "

" You stupid ….."

" Don't you think I know that Mand, eh ?"

" So what are you going to do about it ?"

" I've been phoning him non stop Mandy, but it's ringing out , what am I gonna do ?"

" First thing is to not panic, he wouldn't do anything stupid "

" Like I did you mean ?"

" Did you try his house phone ?"

" Doh , of course I have "

" What about his mum, try phoning her?"

" I don't have his mums number Mand "

" I do "

" How the fu………"

" He phoned her on the land line when he ran out of charge remember?"

" Vaguely , I think ?"

" I saved the number "

" Why ?"

" Does it matter ?"

" No not one bit " Kayleigh hugged her little sister, " You're a genius Mand, do you know that ?"

" You've called me a few things over the years, but that's a first "

" Right I'll phone her "

" What are you going to say ?"

" I……., I don't know "

" Right get changed, start thinking and I'll put the kettle on "

" Good plan"

" I'm a genius Kayleigh, we have good plans "

" Don't push it "

Mandy giggled as Kayleigh went upstairs.

The front door suddenly swinging open took Mandy by surprise, Steve entered breathless.

" I…….ran…..from the …….bleedin bus stop " he said between breaths.

" Hiya Steve " Kayleigh said as she reached the foot of the stairs, having heard him come in.

" C'mere you " Steve grabbed her in a bear hug.

" I knew it you know, I told Mand but she said no, but I bloody knew it, I told you Mand, didn't ah ?"

Kayleigh turned to see Mandy trying to shush Steve.

" Knew what ?" Kayleigh asked no one in particular, but looked from one to the other.

" You knew what ?"

" That John was in love with you, I could see it plain as day, but she rubbished the idea "

" Why ?" Kayleigh looked straight at Mandy.

" I thought he was just another one looking to get in your knickers "

" I told you he wasn't, didn't ah ?"

" Aye, and you're such a great judge of character "

" Right enough I married you didn't ah ?"

" Cheeky bast………...

" Alright the two of you, what's done is done, the question is how do I fix it ?" Kayleigh enquired.

" Fix it ?, but I heard it ont radio, that was your John weren't it ?" Steve was looking straight at Kayleigh. 

" Aye but there's been developments " Mandy shrugged.

" Developments?"

" Aye Steve, developments " Kayleigh replied. 

" Such as ?"

" Fill him in Mandy, I need to have a serious think " Kayleigh filled the kettle and started to prepare tea.

Mandy spent ten minutes explaining the evening's events to a bemused Steve, the argument, the storming off , the dedication. 

" If you pissed off before the dedication played in the car, how did you hear it ?" Steve asked as Kayleigh put a mug down in front of him.

" He phoned me, I had it on speaker, he….. "

" John ?" 

" Yes , anyway I had it on loudspeaker, he said Kayleigh I'm sorry please…..and I cut him off, then the taxi driver asked if that was me, Kayleigh,? I said uh huh,and he said that's the second time I've heard that name in two minutes, I asked what he was on about and he replayed the radio dedication, he has a recorder onboard incase passengers get rowdy or owt "

" So what do you want to do ?"

" I want to tell him I heard it and that I love him obviously "

Steve and Mandy smiled.

" So do it then " Steve crossed his arms.

" How smart arse ?"

" Make a radio dedication just like he did "

" That would work Kay ." Mandy said, nodding.

" But how ?" Kayleigh was looking at her brother in law, he could see the desperation in her features. 

" Christ do I have to do everything for you , Mandy go get my tablet, and bring the house phone too, we have a bit of work to do "

Kayleigh's hopes, although not entirely sky high, were far higher now than when she had reached Mandy's that evening, this visit now might help her reach the sky .

She rang the bell a second time.

" Who the hell is it at this time of night?"

Kayleigh stepped back and looked towards the upstairs window. A late middle aged woman, wearing a housecoat and hair net was peering down at her.

" My name is Kayleigh missus Redmond, I…."

" John's Kayleigh?" Kayleigh smiled to herself. 

" I think so " 

" Is he okay ?"

" I don't know "

" Wait a minute love, I'll be right down "

Mandy was sitting in the car watching , she saw her diminutive older sister suddenly bathed in light as the door of the house was opened, Kayleigh stepped in.

" Have a seat love, I'll stick the kettle on eh ?"

Kayleigh looked around her, the living room was spotless, pictures of John , his brother and dad were on the fireplace, his niece and nephew adorned the walls.

" Right love here we are, two and a dash I believe, and a digestive?"

" Thank you Missus…"

" Joan, call me Joan love"

" Well it's like this Joan……….."

Before she knew it Kayleigh told Joan the whole story, from the first day of car share, piss included, until she had stormed out of the car in temper "

" I had an inkling that there was more to you than just a friend ……"

" We're not a couple "

" Yet " Joan smiled. 

" So what's your plan love.?"

Kayleigh explained to an engrossed Joan what she had thought up.

" That's really quite touching love, I ……."

There was an uncomfortable pause.

" You what Joan, can I ask ?"

" Okay, John will either be embarrassed because he thinks he's upset you, or annoyed that he admitted his feelings and has nowt to show for it …."

" He's got me .." Kayleigh was tearing up.

Joan sat down next to her, and took her hand.

" But he doesn't know that yet love does he ?"

" No "

" That's right he doesn't, but my point is he will probably sit in the car in silence going to work, thinking about what he is going to do next "

" Shit "

" All is not lost though love, I have a plan "

" Really?"

" Yes indeed Kayleigh love, I want you two together as much as you do, I know you're right for him soooo"

" Sooo"

" Right how about …………"

The drivers window being knocked on woke Mandy from a fitful sleep, Kayleigh was getting in the passenger side, 

" John's mum " she nodded towards the woman on the pavement. Mandy lowered the window. 

" Hi, you must be Mandy. " Joan said thrusting her hand in the window. 

" Yes, I am pleased to meet you……."

" Joan, call me Joan love , well I'll let you two get off, and Kayleigh?"

" Aye Joan ?"

" We're going to be seeing a lot of each other love, mark my words, anyway I've gotta go ladies, I'm up early tomorrow " she winked at Kayleigh and waved as the two sisters drove off.

" You okay Kayleigh?"

" Better than okay Mandy I'm buzzing "

" She looks like John in drag. " Mandy said, staring straight ahead.

Kayleigh's sniggering indicated her agreement. 

" John's boobs are bigger though " Mandy added.

Kayleigh laughed more from relief than anything else.

He dived out the shower smiling, desperate to reach the ringing phone, his old phone, in his anger he had thrown his new phone down into the foot well, he'd sort out the insurance tomorrow, he hoped he'd remembered his important numbers, but no his excitement turned to disappointment when he saw the caller.

" Hi mum , you're up early "

" Can you pick me up this morning love ?"

" I'm working mam "

" I know, pick me up on your way to work "

" That's a bit early int it ?"

" I'm phoning you so I'm already up "

" Oh aye ,right enough, what are you going to do at this time ?"

" You still haven't worked out the parent child dynamic John have you ?"

" It's too early for puzzles mam "

" Can you then ?"

" Can I what ?"

" God give me strength, can you pick me up ?"

" Oh that , aye no worries mam "

" Good love you bye "

" Love you too mam "

John smiled as he hung up, then he remembered the previous night and his frown returned, he still didn't know how to handle Miss Kitson when they met.

" Thanks love " Joan said as she clipped in, 

" You're welcome "

" Tell your face that John "

" Ha ha"

" So " Joan said rubbing her hands, " I'll meet your Kayleigh today then " 

" She's not mine "

" Not yet perhaps John but I've got a feeling th……"

" Can you stop please ?" 

" Stop what love ?" 

" Talking about Kayleigh "

" Why, I was only saying that ……?"

" Well stop only saying "

" Who's pissed in your weetabix then ?"

" Just give it a rest mam will you ?"

" Jesus you're grumpy in the morning , I don't know how she puts up wi ye ?"

" Just stop okay ?"

" Fine if you're in that mood I'm quite happy to stay quiet "

" I'm not bloody grumpy "

" No ?"

" No "

" And I'm twiggy " 

Joan reached over and switched on the radio, she smiled when Forever FM showed on the display, John unconsciously reached over to turn it off, Joan grabbed his hand.

" Don't you dare, it's that music that's soothing me, I might do you a mischief if I was off "

John sighed and dropped his hand.

Joan's phone bleeped, she looked at the message , she saw John trying to read it 

" As this was sent to my phone, I assume it's for me John wouldn't you eh ?"

" Sorry mam "

" Mind the road ," Joan pointed in front.

Joan typed a few words and put the phone in her bag.

" She started early this morning " John suddenly volunteered. 

" Who did ?" 

" Really, who did, who do you bleedin think did ?"

" Her ?"

" She has a name "

" You said not to talk about her " Joan said, looking straight ahead.

" Aye but ………"

" But what ?"

" I think I might have, I mean I …….."

" What love ?" Joan said holding John's hand 

" Nothing , forget it "

A few minutes later Joan smiled, Adele was playing now, that was her cue, she reached over to the radio,

" Oh, I love this " she said, turning it up.

" Well a bit of Skyfall by Adele there, which of course is one of the Bond themes, and there is a story of why I played that. Those of you who were listening last night on the drive home show might have heard this " there was a pause as the radio announcer readied the track, suddenly John heard his dedication to Kayleigh being replayed, he sat open mouthed. Joan sat smiling .

" Well listeners " the announcer continued " due to circumstances beyond their control Kayleigh didn't manage to reply to John, although she has told us here at Forever FM, that she appreciates the sentiment, and she sends this message back to you John, and a little bird has told us that your listening this morning John, the message she sends is, 

" Can I be your Moneypenny, Mister Bond ?"

Again it's a bit too cryptic for me , but John, if you heard it let her know eh ?. And now on Forever FM a bit of R.E.M. and Everybody Hurts, isn't it………"

Joan switched off the radio.

" What was that all about ?" She said smiling. 

" I don't know little bird , you tell me " John grinned.

The Fiat stopped in the staff car park, John got out hurriedly. 

" John ?" 

" What now mam ?"

" Keys " 

" What ?"

" Give me your car keys ?"

" Why ?" 

" So I can get home, you didn't really think I was going anywhere this bloody early did you ?"

" No "

John handed his keys over 

" I'll pick you and Kayleigh up at 5, don't be late mind ?"

" No mum " 

" Well ?"

" Oh right a kiss goodbye ?"

" No you idiot , well go and see her I mean "

" Oh right " John turned and jogged towards the door.

" So like his dad it frightening. " Joan said to herself as she got in the driving seat.

John marched through the staff only areas of the shop, he didn't have time to waste. Cath went to speak as he passed, 

" Busy Cath " he said, raising his hand.

He made his way to the promotions stall, Kayleigh saw him coming , her smile was like a beacon, he was inexplicably drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

" I was expecting you Mister Bond, " she smiled adoringly. 

" Thatsh good to know Mish Moneypenny "

" Who was that ?" 

" Sean Connery "

" I thought you liked Daniel Craig ?"

" I like them all , whereas I love you " 

" Oh " Kayleigh gasped and covered her mouth .

" Mister Redmond can you come to the ………?"

" Can you not see I'm telling Kayleigh how much I love her Simon ?"

" Sorry John ." Simon said sheepishly.

" Anyway where was I ?"

" Telling me you love me ?" Kayleigh replied. 

" So I was , I love you Kayleigh, will you be my, whatever they call it now, significant other, partner, girlfriend?"

" Yes to all of the above " Kayleigh smiled.

John hugged her and they had a proper kiss.

" About bloody time too." Elsie said, as she passed.

" Good things come to those who wait Elsie ." John said, winking to Kayleigh. 

" Ain't that the truth " Kayleigh said smiling. 

" I'm at meetings all day love but mum will pick us up at 5 " 

" I know. " Kayleigh replied.

" A little bird was it ?"

" Well maybe not so little " Kayleigh giggled.

" That's my mum you're talking about lady "John said grinning , "fair enough though I suppose " he added

Kayleigh smiled as John walked away.

She would be forever grateful to Steve for thinking of phoning the radio station and explaining what had happened, he was right, everybody likes a happy ending. And she just knew that that is what this relationship was destined for, a happy ending. Just how soon was too soon to pick a wedding dress ?, she'd ask Joan, she would know. .


End file.
